Melonballs

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A record-breaking price of $25.5 million was obtained at Sotheby's in New York this week for the above painting, a watercolour still-life by Paul Cézanne.

A work like this is why painting was invented, and its acquisition is the finest purpose to which money can be put. Even in the pisspoor conditions of a reproduction on the Innertubes from a newspaper's website, the painting reaches out and grabs you by the balls, in the nicest possible way. If you're having trouble seeing that, try staring at it for a while.

Cézanne called it Nature morte au melon vert -- Still life with green melon. The reference to "nature morte" must be a joke, as no static image could be so vibrant and alive, in ways that betray the poverty of those mere words.

Sorry to sound so bollocksy, but I bow to no man in my admiration of Cézanne, as I think I've mentioned in the past. And you can't love Cézanne without hovering on the edges of perception. Many people don't see what's so special, but boy when you do, you pass through to another reality, where $25.5 million dollars is a pittance. My one regret in life is that I have only one pair of eyes.

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